Managing Judgements

Hi, so this post's format is going to be a little different.

I have been consuming social media like crazy the past few months, and today it kind of lead my thoughts here.

Why are people so unkind? Why do we extend so little grace to each other? Why must it be always be one or the other?

You are either good or bad. In style or out of style. Things are so polarized, and the best and worst of humanity shows up first on our feed. I have been seeing the worst of it lately.

It got me thinking about being judgemental. We pass judgements on each other so quickly, yet we claim to be neutral or good people.

I thought that of myself too, but there's nothing like real life to put your values to the test.

Moving to Florida helped me learn a lot of things about myself. One being how easily and quickly judgemental I can be. There is something sickening and disgusting about seeing how dark of a person you are, especially when you think you are not.

I've been working on my judgementalism, and here are a few things I've learnt so far

Judgements come from the natural man

There are two people inside each of us. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we refer to them as the natural man and the spirit/soul. I've heard it referred to in multiple other ways too. The yin and yang, the amygdala and the pre-frontal cortex, the wild man and the civilised man.

Those two react to the world very differently. In regard to judgment, the natural man is always quick to judge. It has to be! It is our survival instinct. It will always choose what is similar to you and "safer" for you.

The soul in you though, is wiser. You know, you are not in survival mode. So when those judgements come, you can choose ignore them and choose a better way.

Emotions and Feelings are very different things

Judgements come through thoughts and feelings. Both from the natural man.

Thoughts are quick. They pop up randomly in your head. You can choose to keep the thought and take action from it, or you can choose to discard it.

Emotions are slow. They build up over time. You can't really choose your emotions though. That's like telling an angry person to "calm down", or a depressed person to "just be happy." Emotions need to be acknowledged and felt no matter how positive or negative. The choice we have is what actions we take to acknowledge those emotions. Do we write hate speeches on social media or do we write in a journal? Tell a friend everything they're bad at, or hit the gym?

We can choose to feel our negative emotions in a positive way.

A Christ example of feelings and emotions -

When Jesus was tempted by Satan three times, He didn't give Satan a chance. He immediately banished his thoughts with reason and truth.

On the other hand when He found out that John the Baptist was dead, "He departed thence by ship into a desert place apart" He gave himself time to grief, and feel his emotions

You can understand without agreeing

This is something that has been said for a while: People need to be seen and heard.

Sometimes when we find ourselves around with people we disagree with, we feel like there is no way we can have strong relationships with each other. But we don't need to agree with each other to be with each other. We just need to understand each other.

Understanding helps us realize the other person is not crazy. We begin to see each other as human beings. When we see and hear each other, everything changes. We start to treat each other like we want to be treated. We see ourselves more in each other. We have more compassion for each other. We may not agree, but we work a lot better with each other. We love each other.

Knowing all this doesn't make you immediately better at being judgemental. After all, the natural man still lives in you. It's a choice and an action to make everyday. I'm still working on it, and maybe one day, I can banish thoughts away faster than the speed of light, and process all my emotions perfectly. But till then, I'll keep practicing.

Love, Lami